Six Milllion Dollar Laptop

"Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster."

After a week of pulling files off my old, tired hard drive and installing them on my new, larger, faster hard drive, my PowerBook is finally back up to speed. Actually it is faster and better than before. The lesson here kids - Back-up, back-up, back-up.

You're Fired!

singaporesexecutioner
Originally uploaded by Scoop Dreams.

After being 'outed' by the Australian press, Singapore's executioner has been fired just before he was scheduled to execute an Australian youth convicted of drug smuggling.

From the picture it looks as though the position of executioner pays well. I just hope he remembered to put 10% of each paycheck away for a rainy day.

Wait, he still has his job. Or does he? As always, there is more at Boing Boing.

Champagne Chute!

Champagne Chute!
Originally uploaded by Sub Commander.

YAY! A new product that combines drinking and playing! Attach the ChampiChute to your next bottle of Champagne, launch the cork and let the good times roll as it is parachuted back to Earth!

Some people have too much time on their hands.

Read more at Boing Boing.

Coming home

Nothing makes the time go by like two Amstels and a copy of GQ. (Who knew Amstel came in cans?)

Winston helps

The dog helps with the dishes.

Troll Patrol

In order to keep this stone troll from 'flying away' during the recent hurricane activity they put him in the pool. Despite the absudity of this and the end of hurricane season, the troll remains in the pool.

iLove my iPod

I know this isn't news to any of you, but really, this thing is awsome. Who knew you could listen to 55 songs between SFO and ATL? I didn't, but I do now!

Hungry Fatty?

Why is America fat? Who cares, it is 6 AM and I am in the airport in Atlanta. What could be open? Popeye's Fried Chicken, Sbarro pizza, Checkers hamburgers, and that Chinese place that is in every food court. No, we don't have an eating problem here.

Mayday, Mayday!

So here I am stuck at the bottom of the ocean with a comuter failure on the sub. Sorry for the lack of posts but my 'puter time is very limited. Expect to hear more after the holidays. HAPPY TURKEY DAY!

Cash

$ 2 Bills
Originally uploaded by orodrig.

Straight from Engadget...

"Dear Counterfeiters,

We’re totally not trying to tell you how to run your business, but when the printer you’re using to pump out counterfeit hundies and fiddies breaks, it’s probably a good idea to remove all the fake money jammed inside of it before you send it out for repair. Otherwise you’ll end up like that gang of geniuses in Arizona which just got busted this week for pumping out $160,000 in counterfeit cash.
Your friends,
Engadget"

Twisted Sister!

From Bangkok (he he) things can go from bad to worse very quickly. Imagine you are on a business trip and while out for a drink you meet three lovely ladies. After a few drinks you ask them to join you back in your room... And they say YES! Back at the hotel you have some drinks when the cutest of them leans in to kiss you. Oh yeah, she is so hot, this is hot, in fact you feel hot, and dizzy, and things are blurry, and so sleeeeeppppppyyyyyyy.................

Ten hours later you wake-up only to find that you have been robbed. When your report the robbery to the police they inform you that you have been a victim of a gang crime. Turns out transvestite gang members slipped you a sedative pill while you were making out and then robbed you.

Great - you have now been robbed, you have blue balls and you kissed a man. What happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand.

Read more Boing Boing.

Cross - UPDATE

So I called 'The Reverend' yesterday and told him how to fix his problem, then I never heard back from him. So, being the good brother I am, I called him later that night. "It didn't work," he said. I asked if he would walk me through exactly what he did. HE went to his computer, tried it again and......

(drum roll......)

(flashing lights....)

(queue the show girls, dancing bears and the 100 white doves......)

IT WORKED!!!!!!

More Heaven points for the Sub Commander.

(BTW, make sure you feed your dancing bears before putting them next to the show girls.)

Cross

IMG_0036
Originally uploaded by MacAllenBrothers.

My brother, the minister (oddly enough known as "Hootie McBoob" in his posts here), emailed me this morning to help him with some iTunes problems he has been having. Unfortunately, things have been very busy on the sub recently and I was unable to respond immediately. In less than four hours he sent me an email harassing me for not dropping everything to help him. Here is his email. (Names have been changed to protect the guilty.)

Are you working this hard on a Tuesday? I've got very troublesome issues with iTunes and you're not responding because of your JOB? You are way too committed to your work my friend. Obviously you should be in consideration for employee of the month at [your job] for your undying commitment to not responding to non-work e-mails. You're my hero.

All right, seriously. iTunes. Where are you when I need you? Forget the wedding, the birth of my first child. THIS is when I need you, and what do you do? You fail me.

I'm so disappointed in you. And so is Jesus.

Love,
The Reverend [name witheld]

PS-Please note, I have spent valuable work time sending both this e-mail and the previous e-mail. By not answering these e-mails you are, in effect, stealing time from God's holy work. Twice.

I am so proud of him. And yes, he signs his emails with 'The Reverend.'

Drawn from the inside out!

Drawn from the inside out!
Originally uploaded by Sub Commander.

Wow, this is neat! An artist starts by drawing a skeleton, then ads muscles, skin, and clothing until he has a woman lounging in slacks and a blouse. You have to have a high speed connection to view this, but I promise you it is worth seeing!

Click here to watch the video!

Thanks to Boing Boing.

No comment required

Asian
Originally uploaded by Gemale.

Man hit by deer hit by car

Asking for deer cookies
Originally uploaded by Oranges 'n' Lemons.

This is straight from SFGate.com today.


Oh Deer, This Is Confusing
A CoCo driver who thought he hit a deer got out of his car and then was hit by a deer that another car hit.

Deer hit by car lands on man
Suzanne Herel, Chronicle Staff Writer
Thursday, November 10, 2005

(11-10) 15:40 PST BLACKHAWK -- A Modesto man who thought he had struck a deer was hit by a deer himself as he checked the exterior of his car for damage.

Robert Brooks, 50, was driving along Blackhawk Road near Mount Diablo State Park on Tuesday evening when a deer leaped in front of him so suddenly he wasn't sure if he had struck it, said Officer Steve Creel of the California Highway Patrol.

Brooks pulled his car to the side of the road, got out, and was examining the front end when another vehicle approached from the opposite direction.

Just then, another deer -- or perhaps the same one Brooks saw -- jumped into the roadway and was struck by the oncoming car.

The impact propelled the animal through the air and into Brooks, who fell to the ground and broke his right ankle.

He was taken to a nearby hospital, and the deer was pronounced dead.

The motorist who hit the deer drove away.

E-mail Suzanne Herel at sherel@sfchronicle.com.


The article can be found here.

Penguin Baseball with a Yeti!

penguinbaseball
Originally uploaded by Sub Commander.

Oh my head. What did I do last night? What am I doing now? I think I drove the sub into a reef last night. No more drinking and sub commanding! I am the poster boy for MADSC (Mothers Against Drunken Sub Commanding.)

My intellectual capacity is severly limited. So what is one to do? Play some Penguin Baseball! This is addictive. My record is 298 feet 312 feet 320 feet. Try to beat that!


Click here to play!


QUICK RULES:

#1. The penguin will honk when he is ready at the top of the hill.

#2. Click once to make the penguin jump down the hill, then CLICK AGAIN in time to make the Yeti swing the bat to hit the penguin across the ice.

#3. Click the OK to reset for another try.

Bye Pod!

3060000000053322.JPG
Originally uploaded by Sub Commander.

The Home Office crime prevention department in the UK has some new ads designed to reduce the theft of consumer portable electronics.

iPods, laptops and cell phones are prominently featured in the campaign. See the best of the ads at Engadget.

Lucha Libre!

Lucha Libre
Originally uploaded by Sub Commander.

Fun pictures of Mexican wrestlers!

CLICK HERE!

That's all. As always, thanks to Boing Boing.

The Science of Cow Tipping

What a big nose!
Originally uploaded by scgirl2000.

Oh those crazy Mounties! They have too much time on their hands.

A trainee forensics analyst for the Royal Canadian Mounted Corps studying at the University of British Columbia has scientifically concluded that it would take 5 people to push over a standing cow.

She wrote "A cow of 1.45 metres in height pushed at an angle of 23.4 degrees relative to the ground would require 2,910 Newtons of force, equivalent to 4.43 people," but from my expereinces in Virginia I know this not to be true (though alcohol was always included in my testing so that may have skewed my results).

This was quickly revised by the trainee's supervisor who stated that it would only take two people if they pushed the cow so hard and fast that the cow could not react and try to right itself. That's what I'm talkin' about!

Read more at Boing Boing (moo).

Bitch and Moan

So word on the street is some of you have been complaining about the lack of new content from the sub.

Well from the bottom of my ballast tanks, I am sorry. It seems the combination of my secret mission and then a trip to the desert (a sales conference in Vegas) left me with little time to scour the net and share funny musings with you.

But fear not! I am now back and working very hard to make sure that I find new stories and create some of my own to lower your productivity and IQ all at the same time.

Yours -

The Sub Commander

Depot gone awry

The Heritage Club - toilet
Originally uploaded by metrodad.

Home Depot - where you can buy anything for your home. From toilet seats to glue, they have it all. Wait a minute, what if we combined the two? Well someone did and Bob from Colorado was the unlucky recipient when he found himself glued to a Home Depot toilet.

After clerks ignored his requests for help for several hours, he was finally freed from the commode. Now, he is suing the superstore for post-tramatic stress caused by his buttocks-bound attachment at their Louisville, CO store.

Read more at Reuters.

Zen Bathroom

IMG_0424
Originally uploaded by Yonoescribo.

Oh look, my new cube-mate moved in across the wall. That is nice. Wow, she really decorated her cube well! Very zen with pictures and plants. Nice.

All was well and good until I realized had made five trips to the bathroom by noon. The cause? Part of the 'zen motif' includes a desktop waterfall that runs continuously throughout the day. This is almost as bad as the dreaded fan of death!

Fan of Death
Day 1
Day 3
Day 4
Week 2