unKempt: 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005

You should have seen the other guy!

TheOtherCar
Originally uploaded by Sub Commander.

Ah yes, coffee in hand, sitting in the passenger seat of a fine German automobile, and en route to work. The weather is nice, traffic isn't too bad, it is going to be a great da...BOOM!!!

As you can see from the picture, that IS THE OTHER GUY. We were in a minor fender-bender this morning, and everyone is fine, but this lady's car got torn up by the Porsche. With only minor body damage to the passenger-side of the Porsche, this lady's Toyota minivan almost had the front left tire torn off. We were able to continue on to work without issue while she had to be towed to a repair shop. (BTW - the lady driving the minivan was very nice and compared to the horror stories I have heard before, this was a very easy and painless process.)

And here is a big shout out to the SF Fire Department. One of their trucks happened to be there when we had the accident (you can see them in the pic) and they stopped to help direct traffic and put out traffic flares. They made sure we were all okay and offered help negotiating the paperwork and trading of insurance info. They made the process incredibly smooth and define selfless service to the community.

A new addition to the fleet

I usually keep personal announcements out of unKempt, but my brother has guilted me into this one - The Sub Commander is getting a new title in less than nine months - uncle. My brother and his wife, the minister couple, are expecting their first child in March April and I could not be happier for them. Now I can start planning ways to corrupt my upcoming niece or nephew.

Hopefully this will keep Mom off my back for a while longer so I can stay single in my sub, deep underwater.

And yes, ministers are allowed to marry and have children.

I love you, I hate you!

rokr
Originally uploaded by ChrisDodo.

The tech world has been waiting and speculating for months if not years on the release of a iPod/phone combo. Three weeks ago, Motorola released the ROKR with Cingular, the first iTunes compatible phone, at the same time Apple released the iPod Nano. The press has praised the Nano for it's size, color screen and user interface. The reviews of the ROKR have been average at best. The device is slow, the UI clunky and you are limited to 100 songs. So if you are the CEO of Motorola what do you do? Attack everyone!

"Screw the nano," said Zander. "What the hell does the nano do? Who listens to 1,000 songs? People are going to want devices that do more than just play music, something that can be seen in many other countries with more advanced mobile phone networks and savvy users," he said.

That's right, after millions of iPods have been sold, the CEO of Motorola questions the viability of the product. He also questions the carriers who sell his product ("other countries with more advanced mobile phone networks") and the US customers who are not buying his phones (other countries with more...savvy users").

I get it! Your product does not suck, your competition, the carriers and your customers suck. This guy must have a lot of friends.

Read more at MacWorld.

Friday Fun!

Stewie Live
Originally uploaded by Sub Commander.

Do the safety dance! Actually you can control Stewie from the Family Guy on a new site, a la the Burger King subservient chicken. Check it out for some simple Friday fun!

Hint - Ask him to 'kill.'

Make him dance here

Advert of the year

Where, oh where, has my artwork gone?

Recipe - Take one painting, add a GPS tracking unit, leave it in a public park and watch.

I really do love living here and things like this only make the city more interesting. As an experiment an artist left a painting he could track in Dolores Park. In three days the paining was moved all over the city before it came to its finaly resting place - a lumbar yard. Read more here.

Funny Sign

005
Originally uploaded by playmaker.

Here is today's funny sign except it isn't a sign - it is a newspaper headline. As a bonus, this one is extra special because it is from good old Raleigh-Durham.

Sorry for the late post, but work has been interfering with my blog again.

Storm!

Storm!
Originally uploaded by Sub Commander.

BOOM BOOM - Out go the lights!

In a rare appearance, thunder has hit SF. I know it isn't that big of a deal but in several cases, people here will talk more about a thunderstorm than a minor earthquake.

Read more at SFist.com.

BTW - I am in Dublin today so I do not get to enjoy the storm at all. :(

QUICKSAND !!!

QUICKSAND !!!
Originally uploaded by Mickie Quick.

In an effort to produce some more regular content here, I have decided to start a new feature called QUICKSAND! Actually, it is called "Funny Signs" and the first one is QUICKSAND!

Have you ever rapidly repeated a word until it just sounds silly? Try it with QUICKSAND, or even better yet, my favorite word - SMOCK!

Arr, speak yer mind b'fore ye walk the plank!

pirate school
Originally uploaded by goopymart.

Tis true - today be Speak like a Pirate Day, so man the hatches and prepare for battle! No one be taking my booty today, arrrr.

In honor of this festive event, we bring you scurvy dogs the top ten pirate pick-up lines. Drink yer rum and prepare to try these on the wenches at ye local pub. Arrrr.

10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?

1. Prepare to be boarded.

Read more (if you have book learnin) here.

Thanks be to good ship Boing Boing.

SIDENOTE - In a battle between sub commanders and pirates, sub commanders always win. Besides, my pick-up lines include:
"May I dive in your reef?"
"I am going to flood your torpedo bay."
"Would you mind polishing my periscope?"
"Blow my ballast!"

4586150847204572.JPG
Originally uploaded by Sub Commander.

And here is some extra pirate goodness - the pirate keyboard. It is very ergonomic and 'Hook-friendly."

Found at Engadget.

What did you do this weekend?

Originally uploaded by Lar2k05.

I saw Barry Bonds hit HR number 705 and all I have to say is (tauntingly) Nanner Nanner Nanner!

Unfinished sign

My office is right next to the Santa Rita jail. In fact the bus I take from the train goes there every morning (full of baby's-mommas on Fridays), and it is not uncommon to see recently released detainees walking around with all their possessions in plastic bags.

When walking to the train today I found the following sign.I guess he got to where he was going before he could finish...

The Onion predicts the future!

I gotta have more blades!
Originally uploaded by Sub Commander.

The humor newspaper, The Onion has predicted the future. In a satirical piece on the development of men's shaving tools on Feb 18, 2004, they reported that Gillette was going to knock-out the competition by skipping the 4-bladed razor and jumping straight to 5.

Today Gillette announced the 5-bladed razor.

Also, it turns out Mad Magazine and Saturday Night Live predicted this trend decades ago. Read more at BOING BOING.

Bad Taste Joke

Q: What's George Bush's position on Roe v. Wade?
A: He really doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans.

Via Boing Boing.

Supper Club

Supper Club
Originally uploaded by Sub Commander.

Last night was the friends and family evening at Jerry and Randy's new restaurant, Supper Club. For those of you not in the know, Supper Club is a Dutch restaurant and they just opened their first US location in SF. Small plates are served over a several hours while guests lounge on matresses. Different? Yes. Fun? Definately. Recommended? Absolutely.

Sure, I am biased, but this was incredible. The matresses were very comfortable and cozy (esp. for a date). The food is served in the right sized portions and at the appropriate pace. The entertainment is unique and very fun. For all you East Coasters, make a trip out here and I will treat you to a very memorable meal.

Sidenote I was up until 4 AM last night. I am beat. Don't expect much more out of me today.

Bruce Lee

Bruce Lee
Originally uploaded by bobotse.

How do you unite a city divided ethnicity and religion? Build a statue of the one hero they all admire - BRUCE LEE. Mostar, Bosnia has commissioned a bronze statue of the Kung Fu master to be placed in the center of the town.

He [Veselin Gatalo, a member of the Urban Movement organization] said Mostar, scene of fighting between Muslims and Croats in 1993-1994, needed a symbol of justice, mastery and honesty -- virtues upheld by the late Chinese-American actor.

My Dad went to get a vasectomy and all I got was this lousy pocket knife!

snipper
Originally uploaded by Sub Commander.

Happy Monday! I am back and thought that nothing says wake up on a Monday morning better than some vasectomy humor. At least one doctor is having fun with his work and is hanfing out some creative swag. Now we have to look forward to plastic surgeons handing out personalized straws, staplers and vacuums.

Read more at Finkbuilt.

Thanks to Boing Boing

SFO to ORD

Guess where I am? The Windy City on a surprise trip. I'll be back on Thursday but don't expect to hear from me till next week cause I leave Friday for another wedding.

The Sub Commander

It's ALIVE!

It's ALIVE!
Originally uploaded by Sub Commander.

It has become evidently clear that my iPod is alive. Not only is it alive, but it is conscious, and it has its own musical tastes.

All of my music is rated with a 1-5 star system. When listening I usually play either three star music and above, four star music and above or five star music. To give you a hint at how many songs that is, the three star list has 2,939 songs, or over nine days worth of continuous music. Still, my iPod only wants to play certain songs, and here are some of my iPod's favorites.

Dixie Chicken by Little Feat, Live at Neon Park. This is one of my favorite songs, so I do like hearing it. The problem is this is a live version that is 17.28 minutes long.

Under Pressure by Queen feat. David Bowie. Again, I love this song, but why does my iPod? The opening bass line still sends Vanilla Ice shivers down my spine.

I believe in a Thing Called Love by The Darkness. I am not sure how this song made the list. I am going to take it off.

Are You Happy Now by Michelle Branch. How did this get on my iPod? Deleted.

Birdhouse In Your Soul by They Might Be Giants. Play it more iPOD!!!

Slow posting

Sorry for the delay - some days are better than others. In the mean time here are some lines from Over Heard in New York. By the way for all you SF locals, SFist.com is launching their own version called "Yvesdroppings." Keep your ears open and get ready to submit!

Dude: Hello! Guys! I know Ms. Pac-man is nice and she swallows, but can we go to the bar where there are real girls?

--Crif Dogs, St. Mark's Place

Girl on cell: Stop stealing Grandma's condoms, you know she needs them more than you do. Do you want another mother?

--47th & 9th

Chick on cell: ...and it's ironic, but the Museum of Sex was like a bad lay: small, and not performing to my expectations.

--111th & Broadway

Girl #1: Ugh! He gave me the biggest hickey on one of my tits! Gross!
Girl #2: Well, at least it was a hickey and not a burning sensation when you pee!

--Union Square